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What do Families and Couples Need from the Church
 Newsletter Article ~ 3rd Quarter ~ 2007 

Surveys of couples and families have found that there are some common threads for what they find helpful in a church and in what they need.  Although some of these items lean towards families and children, many apply to couples in the LGBT community as well.

1.      Trustworthy Counselors

Counselors should be experienced, non-judgmental and use a Socratic-based style that nudges folks forward in their decision process.  It’s important that folks can trust those in counseling positions to maintain their confidentiality, understand complex issues, and to not tell them what to do, but guide them through the decision making process.

2.      A True Partnership in their Relationship

Separation and divorce rates continue to climb, yet many folks feel that their partner is or was their best friend.  Working with couples to maintain that sense in their relationships and to know that the church and those providing counseling are truly in partnership with them in this endeavor is of paramount importance.

3.      Better Child Development Skills

The three elements most parents wish to instill in their children are appropriate moral values, self-esteem and methods of handling extreme emotions.  Most parents are not sure how to address these issues on an ongoing basis.  Programs designed for parents should include guidance in alternative approaches that can identify ways for parents to teach these elements.

4.      Better Parenting Skills

Most parents resist training labeled as ‘basic parenting skills’ yet desire some guidance in key areas.  The key areas most studies indicate that parents want assistance with is:

·         Better Communication Skills

·         Creating a Positive Learning Environment in the Home

·         Conflict Resolution

·         Establishing Priorities and Managing Time Effectively

·         Financial Planning and Management

Many of these are areas of concern to individuals and couples too, and are areas that churches can find ways to address through special workshops, speakers and seminars.

5.      Greater Courage to Change

Most couples repeat behaviors that are inadequate and negatively impact their home life and relationship, yet feel powerless to change the behaviors.  Many express a desire to find a mechanism that can provide direction and build their confidence in adopting solutions that impact their life and assist them with change. 

6.      Greater Emotional Support

Decades ago families and couples (especially in the straight community) had extended families and relatives to provide support in times of stress and crisis.  However, many couples in the LGBT community do not have this support and must turn to friends, groups and organizations to find it.  They should find this support in their church programs, counselors, and members.  The church must build a network that assist couples in making it through difficult times.

7.      A Family/Relationship Crisis Safety Net

The notion of a safety net is one in which non-judgmental, trustworthy support is provided for physical security, emotional support, spiritual clarity and relational empathy in the midst of crisis or implosion.  The church is the only safety net that many couples have available to them, yet tenuous ties with the church can make this source of security less secure than they would like.

   OTHER NEWSLETTER ARTICLE: WE ARE FAMILY   

   OTHER NEWSLETTER ARTICLE: THE ROLE OF THE CHURCH IN FAMILIES AND RELATIONSHIPS